Marriage & Friendships

This subject is always one that people would say is the one thing that changes. I’ve personally found that it changes in different ways with certain people. Your friends you had before you were single; if they really are your friends, would still be your friends when you are married. Now, that can look different for certain friends. You want friends who will respect your marriage and support it. I’m thankful that my friends do, and they know me well enough to not put me in a situation that would be in disrespect to my marriage. So yes, I may not get invited to certain things and go certain places but that’s fine. There are other things to do. Personally, I make it intentional that I do take time, communicate, and go out with my friends who are single. Even if it’s just visiting, I’m going to do my best with those friendships I value (it takes work on both sides as well). In our pre-marital counseling, they discussed how naturally and unintentionally you may see things change slightly with your friendships, because you are married. It’s not anyone’s fault, but you may not hear from your friends first, and that’s ok. Expectations. They can hurt you if you let them. You know your friends well enough to know how they are by this point. It may be certain things that they do, that bother you. As women, I feel we don’t talk things out enough because we don't either want to lose the friendship or hurt someone in the process. I’ve had issues with that, and it got to a point where I had no other choice but to say something because I was disturbed that much by it. The best thing about that though, was when it came time to it, everything that was said, was said in love and respect. Now, there is an understanding moving forward and the friendship continues.

One thing I’ve learned is that my friendships with certain people are different to an extent. Let's be clear though lol, I’m not missing out on anything either at the same time. I’ve had people ask me personally, “What are you doing here?” If I’m out at a bar/club celebrating my friend’s birthday (rolls eyes). Another funny story was when I went out of town for a friend’s birthday for the weekend and a guy approached me, saw my ring, and was like “Oh, you’re married? He let you out here?” Let me tell you something. As a married woman, you should not feel like you have to cut off experiencing life or doing things with your friends because of where it might be. I respect and love my husband, and he knows that I don’t take nonsense (and I'll tell him, so we can laugh later) lol, as do my friends. Now, there are things I won’t do and if I know I would be uncomfortable, then I don’t go and a friend and I may just do something together.

The whole cliché of “when you get married, you lose all your friends” is really not true, but only true if you let it. You need balance, and if that means taking a girls trip or brunchin’ etc then do it. Has my circle changed? Yes, but in a good way. Now I have friends with other wives who I can talk to and grow a relationship with, and it’s beautiful. I hope this is encouraging to all women, married and single. So, can you be married and have your friendships? Yes, you can. :)

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